Fear’s Last Stand
“But … I am afraid!”
Just because I know the three great fears and the half-truths they represent, it doesn’t make them go away. Wormtongue still has a chair at my table, and (as far as I can understand) he always will this side of eternity.
There are times when fear grips me, someplace deep inside. In the chaos, the floodgates open and the waves of fear rush in. I feel a fierce, pressing panic, like my soul is suffocating.
I want to breathe again. But, how?
On the Water
When the disciples saw Jesus, they didn’t know what to think.
“Take courage,” he says. “Don’t be afraid. It’s me.”
Peter, drawn by his heart — and likely not his head — asks Jesus if he could join him, walking on the water. You know how the story goes.
There are a number of lessons to be learned from Peter. For me, dealing with fear, the real kicker is not that Peter impetuously attempts to walk on the water. It’s not in Peter’s shift in concentration from Jesus to the waves. Neither is it the encouragement that Jesus catches us when we cry out to be saved.
As it relates to fear, the real kicker for me is Jesus’ question: “You of little faith. Why did you doubt?”
The question lingers — on the pages of scripture and in my mind — unanswered. Rhetorical.
Why, indeed?
Two-Souled
To doubt literally means “to stand in two ways.” It is more than being stuck at a fork in the road, unable to decide which way is best. To doubt is to travel two paths at the same time. It is double-mindedness. In James, the word doubt is translated from the Greek word dipsuchos, which is translated “two-souled” (psuchos has the same root as the word psyche, which means soul).
To doubt is to be unwhole, unstable. To doubt is to have multiple identities, to be spiritually dysfunctional. It is the antithesis of fullness in Christ, of God’s regenerative purpose in our lives. To doubt is to live out a pseudo-salvation, to live as if unredeemed.
As long as we fear, we refuse the experience of being whole and complete. We push back from our destiny in the kingdom, which will be complete, perfect, intimate union with God. We resist our adoption as children of God.
“Yeah,” you respond, “…but in heaven there won’t be anything to fear.” True enough.
But look at it this way: What difference does that make, really? Adam and Even had nothing to fear, yet they still doubted. Even in the kingdom, with sin and evil bound up in chains, we will still need to be one-souled.
Fear and Identity
At base, fear is not a situational issue. Fear is an identity issue. We either identify ourselves as children of the one true God (and live accordingly), or we are two-souled and maintain multiple identities.
To be two-souled is to maintain one identity as a child of God, and to maintain another as a separated individual, alone and isolated and trying to practice sovereignty over the circumstances in our world.
Two identities at once. Spiritual schizophrenia.
This became clear to me in the midst of planting a new church. I found myself in a chess match, and fear, the grandmaster, was my opponent. He sat across the table, mocking me – I’m a rookie at chess.
It seemed like he knew my next move. Even as my hand reached for the piece, he snickered. He foretold a quick and merciless checkmate. He challenged my strategy. Of course, as a rookie, the only strategy I had was not to lose. When it comes to facing fear (as with most things in life) trying not to lose almost guarantees that you will.
I knew I was in a game that I had no chance of winning. I had nowhere to turn. I had no answer, no strategy and no purpose. And whatever willpower I had faded like the morning mist.
It was here that I sensed God saying to me, “I don’t want you to be afraid. Period. Of anything.” Instead of feeling stuck in a chess match, I sensed God leading me to an opportunity: He was offering me a life without the controlling influence of fear, an ethos of peace.
It was here that I had to make a decision. Was I going to be controlled by the things that I found fearful? Or was I going to follow a path of courage and find freedom?
Who was I going to be?
Courage is Not a Lack of Fear
We hear this phrase all the time, but rarely do we live by it. Instead, we try to pretend that the thing we’re afraid of isn’t really there. We put our hands over our ears, so we won’t hear the whispers. We cover our eyes, so it won’t exist anymore. This, truly, is as childish as it sounds.
To have courage is simply a decision to be one-souled, to be whole. It’s perhaps oversimplification and/or cliché to say, “You just gotta have faith.” Yet this is what it comes down to. The faith we gotta have is about identity, not intellect or bible knowledge. Faith is not a commodity, like the milk in your refrigerator that requires restocking when it gets used up.
Courage is an act that comes from knowing our identity as the children of a God who is absolutely purposeful and in control, whether we can understand our circumstances or not. Courage is simply respecting God more than the things we fear, then living as if that were true. Once we live that way, fear no longer has any ammunition. It has no response to our identity in Christ.
Courage is fear’s last stand.
questions.4.conversation
- I made this statement above, “At base, fear is not a situational issue. Fear is an identity issue.” How do you respond?
- What comes to mind when you see yourself as a child of God? When you think of being “in Christ?”
- Is there any time or situation in which fear has made you feel two-souled?
- With the perspective of being one-souled and child of God, reflect on Romans 8:31-39. What comes to mind?
- If God were to impress upon you the conviction that he doesn’t want you to be afraid of anything, ever, anymore, how would you respond?
- Imagine Jesus is talking to you instead of Peter: Why do you doubt?
- What would it take for you to respect God more than the thing(s) you fear?
Coming Next: The Only Solution to Fear.
Interesting post…